Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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