jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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