I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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