the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
