Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
