you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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