i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
