I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
