Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize