My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
