It's like God shit irony all over that family
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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