If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
