Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
