I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
