Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize