nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
