I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize