This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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