even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
