My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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