Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
