I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
