So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
