When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
dude. I can hear the air.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
