I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
