I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
