just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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