tell your sister to shave her snatch
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
