now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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