Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
