Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
