nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
40s are totally the cure
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
