And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He did a backflip because drugs
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