You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
