Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
