Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Soap is not a condiment
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize