smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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