Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
