Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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