yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
