You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
