your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
