put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
