I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
