Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
