Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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