so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
