Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's never too late to be topless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
