We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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