I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
