she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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