I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Randomize
