He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
