Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We got so high we made milksteak
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
