By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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