I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
