He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
