Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
