i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
