dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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