9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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