You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
