He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
